


May I

by DaSly fics (i_write_hurt_not_comfort)



Series: Canon Elleo fics [2]
Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Canon Era, Canon Universe, Confessions, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, just some good ol fashioned elleo hurt/comfort for your friday evening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:20:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22603111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_hurt_not_comfort/pseuds/DaSly%20fics
Summary: It started as subtle touches.In fact, the word subtle was probably an exaggeration. Said touches – like accidentally brushing their hands together when they went to grab something, or prolonged nudges whenever something vaguely amusing occurred – went almost unnoticed at first. As time passed, however, it happened more and more frequently, until Elliot and Leo both began to notice.It wasn’t until they were alone, at night, that Leo realised what was really going on.
Relationships: Leo Baskerville/Elliot Nightray
Series: Canon Elleo fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625470
Comments: 13
Kudos: 49





	May I

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because i'm eternally sad about elleo. anyways so i guess this takes place in canon. it's my interpretation of how a love confession would've gone down between them, at least. also inspired by @bagel-san's ch9 (i think?) of Gone Too Soon where Leo tells Gilbert he screamed his confession at Elliot in the middle of an argument, and i felt like that was an accurate depiction of how it happened.   
> content warnings: internalized homophobia, some angst, crying   
> enjoy!

It started as subtle touches.

In fact, the word _subtle_ was probably an exaggeration. Said touches – like accidentally brushing their hands together when they went to grab something, or prolonged nudges whenever something vaguely amusing occurred – went almost unnoticed at first. As time passed, however, it happened more and more frequently, until Elliot and Leo both began to notice.

Taken aback, neither of them said a word about it. The silence built up, and so did the tension. The aura around them seemed perfect to everyone else, but when they were alone, it was as if the air was stale around them, being weighed down by a million unspoken words. And yet, at this point, Elliot and Leo didn’t know what it was which they needed to say. So, it continued.

Every time they went to grab something, their fingers brushed. Every time they spoke to each other in class, their shoulders touched. Every time something happened, and Leo’s valet instincts kicked in and he extended a hand to Elliot’s chest, or forearm, it stayed there, for just a second too long. And, likewise, every time Elliot’s protective instincts kicked in, and he felt the need to shield Leo from something, or pull him away, his hand didn’t leave the noirette’s wrist until a little after the disturbance had cleared.

Still, neither of them brought it up. Neither of them really thought that deeply about it, as well.

It wasn’t until they were alone, at night, that Leo realised what was really going on.

They’d been laughing, hysterically, after bringing up a previous incident in class that day. And like always, with blinding smiles painted across their faces, Elliot and Leo’s eyes met. In that moment, though, what Leo felt was… different. As if Elliot experienced the same thing, their smiles faded in sync, and Leo’s heart dropped. There was a fluttering in his stomach and chest which he couldn’t ignore, and a tightness in his throat which made breathing seem impossible. They’d gazed into each other’s eyes millions of times before – how come he was only noticing this now?

In that moment, as Elliot cleared his throat and returned to his book – pretending nothing had happened – Leo hastily excused himself to the bathroom. After leaving his book where it was, he left the room without so much as a second glance, checking over his shoulder before hurriedly walking _(he was hardly going to run, was he?)_ to the bathrooms.

When he was finally alone, Leo cried.

The sensation he’d experienced when Elliot had smiled at him, and he’d gazed into those sharp, but piercing blue eyes for too long wasn’t something Leo had felt before. He had, however, read about it plenty of times. Realising what those feelings meant felt like a punch to the stomach; a stab to the chest.

Elliot was Leo’s master. Elliot was a boy.

Leo wasn’t supposed to be _in love_ with him.

It wasn’t allowed. It was wrong, and disgusting, as far as their peers and higher ups would be concerned. It just wasn’t how things were meant to go. Elliot was an aristocrat; his destiny in life was to grow up, and get married _to a woman_ , and have kids, passing on the family name for generations upon generations.

Still, though, Leo couldn’t shake the haunting feeling that this was mutual. Everything he did to Elliot – subtle as it was – Elliot did back. Tender, soft glances were returned; gentle touches were returned. But, if this love _was_ requited, it would ruin Elliot’s life, and Leo knew that.

This had to stop. It had to end. Whatever spark might have existed between them, for just a second, had to cease. It would cause more harm than good.

Once he finished crying, Leo returned to their bedroom. He said nothing, instead sliding into bed and burying himself under the covers. When Elliot blew out the candles, he still said nothing. But he didn’t sleep, either. Instead, he lay motionless, staring up at the ceiling and wondering why this had to happen to them.

Over the next few weeks, they slowly became more distant.

Leo was the one who started it. He had to; if he ignored those subtle touches, or attempts at eye contact, surely Elliot would grow to hate him eventually. But he didn’t. Instead, he seemed hurt, almost. Every time they went to grab something, and their fingers didn’t accidentally brush, he looked slightly let down.

It hurt him deeply to see Elliot pull that face every damn time, but Leo forced himself to persist. And every other night, when they’d argue, as always, but not make up again, Leo would silently cry himself to sleep, choking on those goddamned feelings which just _wouldn’t leave_.

He was broken. He had to be. This wasn’t normal. Love between two boys – that wasn’t normal. Elliot wouldn’t be able to see him the same again.

But, at the same time, Leo _still_ couldn’t ignore the thought that _Elliot had felt the same_. Surely that was the only explanation for all the defeated, supressed sighs Elliot let out when he attempted to reach out, and Leo promptly responded with a wall. Doing so, however, made him ignore Elliot more, until eventually, keeping up a conversation became _impossible_.

Like now, for instance.

Now, when things all changed.

“Oi, Leo,” Elliot said, glancing up from his book. Just a moment ago, they’d fallen into an abrupt silence, after another failed attempt at conversation. This time, though, Elliot clearly wasn’t having it. He yelled, “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Hm?” Leo hummed nonchalantly. Keeping his eyes fixed on his book, he refused to meet the other’s gaze. He tried to ignore the way his heartbeat increased erratically, or the butterflies setting off in his stomach.

“You know what I mean, idiot. Quit treating me like I’m _dumb_!” Elliot yelled. In the corner of his vision, Leo watched as Elliot threw the book onto the floor, and stood up. Despite the sternly folded arms and angry glare, the noirette tried to ignore it. “Oi! Leo! Look at me when I’m speaking to you!”

“In case you haven’t noticed,” Leo said, idly and matter-of-factly flipping the page of his book, “you’re disturbing my reading.”

For a moment, Elliot fell silent. Part of Leo feared that he’d use the _‘I’m your master’_ card on him, but he didn’t. Surprisingly, Elliot didn’t say anything for a while. Instead, he stood with his arms still firmly folded, staring down at Leo.

Then, just as Leo was beginning to accept that this would be yet another argument that wouldn’t get resolved, Elliot grabbed his book, and tossed it across the room.

He wanted a confrontation.

Leo didn’t want a confrontation. Thus, with gritted teeth and a solid glare aimed at the other, he stood up, walked over to where the book had landed, and picked it up.

Right before he reached the bed again, however, Elliot stopped him, one hand cupping around his wrist and stopping him from moving. He glared down at him, and Leo felt almost scared, but then his eyes softened.

The emotions which were held in Elliot’s expression weren’t something Leo could identify. He seemed… let down, again; like Leo had betrayed him, in a sense.

With a deep inhale, his words soft, Elliot asked, “Why have you been ignoring me?”

In Elliot’s grip, Leo froze, and if it wasn’t for the steel hold Elliot hand on his hand, Leo was sure it would’ve been shaking. He swallowed thickly, trying desperately to think of an excuse. Under _no_ circumstances would Leo even _dream_ of revealing the _real_ reason.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Leo said, “Heh, such possessive behaviour over a mere valet isn’t acceptable in your society, you know.”

“Stop avoiding the damn question, you idiot!” Elliot yelled. The hand, which previously had his wrist captured, momentarily let go, before he grabbed Leo’s collar, and pulled him closer. “I don’t give a flying crap if you’re my valet or _not!_ You’re my _friend,_ Leo! You’re… you’re not supposed to ignore me!”

Ah, there is was. _Friend_. Leo was his _friend_.

Unable to look his master in the eyes, Leo turned to face the floor.

Then, Elliot released him. “There’s… been something wrong with you lately. Like you’re… constantly over-thinking something. Something you can’t control.”

Still, Leo remained silent. He felt as though he was choking; choking on the words he wished so desperately he could say – _scream_ at Elliot, but knew he couldn’t.

“Oi!” Elliot yelled again, this time louder, and more hostile. “Quit ignoring me! I… I’m trying to _talk_ to you! I care about you, you dummy!”

Fists clenched, Leo _finally_ spoke. “You want to know the reason I’ve been ignoring you, Elliot? You want to know the reason I’ve been pushing you away and shutting you out?!”

“Yeah, I _do_!” Elliot retorted.

“What, even if it changes everything?! Even if I don’t _want_ to talk to you about it?!” Leo shouted back, yanking himself away from Elliot’s grip. And he turned around, knowing the tears brimming in his eyes would be soon to spill. His hands shook; he hadn’t lost his cool like this in ages.

“Yes! I have a right to know!” Elliot declared once again, and Leo could hear him taking a step closer. “Now tell me why you’ve been ignoring me!”

“It’s because _I like you_ , idiot!”

The moment he blurted it out, Leo’s heart stopped. He really, seriously, _genuinely_ hadn’t meant to say this. And consequently, tears immediately spilled down his cheeks, a strained sob escaping his throat.

“You…” Elliot stammered; his tone indecipherable. But Leo refused to turn around and look at him, because he just _knew_ his expression would be a mix of shock, and disgust. “You… like me?”

“ _Yes_ , Elliot,” Leo said, sounding exasperated. He choked on his tears again, turning on his heel but still not quite facing the other. “I like you, okay?! And not just liking, I _mean_ I _like-_ like you! And… and it’s just _selfish_ to make me say that because-!” Leo paused again, taking a deep breath before another bout of tears trailed down his cheeks. “… Because you won’t feel the same.”

Elliot said nothing.

The silence held a million words. Leo swallowed back anymore tears, feeling like a complete idiot. He’d messed up everything they had. Elliot would never be able to see him with the same respect again; they were no longer equals. His chest hurt, wallowing in self-pity. He hadn’t lost his cool in ages, and _this_ is what it led to?

Despite not saying anything, Elliot slowly walked towards Leo. And once he was less than a foot away from him, he paused again. Leo could feel his breath tickling his neck, but he refused to say anything, instead fighting back the tears which threatened to fall.

Suddenly, Leo felt a hand on his chin, before Elliot forced his head up. Their eyes met, and the feeling which surged through Leo was almost like getting struck by lightning – lightning from those sharp, blue eyes.

A moment later, Elliot’s eyes closed. And before Leo could catch up with the flurry of feelings in his chest, Elliot’s lips were on his.

The kiss was soft, and apologetic. After a second or two, Leo’s eyes closed too, as he melted into the kiss. Elliot’s lips barely moved, but when they did – just a little – Leo felt himself relax, if only for a moment.

Then, a few seconds later, when Elliot’s hand had shifted from Leo’s jawline, they parted.

“I love you too, dumbass,” Elliot whispered. And sure enough, when Leo opened his eyes, Elliot’s were gazing back at him.

“I…” Leo stammered. The thump of his heart beat sounded so much louder all of a sudden. The cursed thoughts in the back of his head told him this was _wrong_ , but the warming of his cheeks and flutter in his stomach told him this was _right_. “No, you can’t-“

“Why are you so against the idea?!” Elliot’s hand snapped away from Leo’s shoulder. He didn’t sound angry, though. He sounded frustrated, if anything, and painfully disappointed.

“Because it’s not right!” Leo said; words which had been playing over in his head for months now, and finally speaking them felt like a huge weight was being lifted off his chest. “You’re an aristocrat! This isn’t… it’s not allowed!”

“Hey!” Elliot yelped, his hand once again cupping around Leo’s wrist. “ _I’ll_ be the one who decides what’s right for me!”

Leo’s mouth dropped open again, but no sound left his lips, spare a hitched sob. Then, he felt Elliot’s hand pull him close again, his head lulling onto his chest. And Elliot said nothing, until the noirette finished silently crying into his shirt.

“I’m not going anywhere, Leo,” Elliot said softly, turning to face the other. With a crooked smile twitching at his lips, he wiped a finger over Leo’s cheek, drying the tears.

Suddenly, when Elliot’s eyes met his again, Leo stopped listening to the ugly voice in the back of his head, and instead forced himself to accept the fact that _Elliot felt the same_.

“Hey,” Elliot whispered, his smile widening – just subtly – as he leant down, and pressed his forehead to Leo’s. “Can I hold your hand?”

Nodding wordlessly, Leo felt his fingers get pulled between Elliot’s. And he squeezed the hold gently, as if to make up for all his previous avoidances of physical contact.

“Can I kiss you?”

Leo didn’t even nod this time. Instead, he let the small smile tug at his lips, as he leaned upwards, and their lips met once again. His heart skipped a beat, once again, and it all of sudden felt as though they were reliving their first kiss.

When they pulled away, Leo muttered two words: “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, dummy,” Elliot said, his words sounding softer than what they seemed. Then, in a subtle whisper, and with a slight smile tugging at his lips, he added, “We never have to tell people, you know.”

Elliot fell silent again, and this time, Leo was the one to take his hand, circling a finger over the other’s knuckles. He wanted to pull away, and cry about how this wasn’t okay, but the comfort of Elliot’s hand in his, and the warmth of their bodies growing closer each second, meant he _couldn’t_ fight it.

As wrong as this might have been in society at large, between _them_ , it felt unimaginably _right_.

“Just between us,” Leo repeated, finding comfort in the thought. He glanced up again, gazing deep into Elliot’s eyes, and seeing things he’d never seen before.

“Yeah,” Elliot nodded, their foreheads touching. He closed his eyes. “ _Just us_.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! :3  
> as always, the comments are very much open for your thoughts, or equally, for your daily-cry-over-elleo.   
> F.


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